Annie’s Got a Gun

I can just hear Steven Tyler singing “Janie’s Got a Gun” but I’m singing 'Annie’s got a gun.' ;) (The lyrics to that song are crazy but the title is fitting.) I’ve been reading about aneurysms and surgeries on different websites and forums. I’ve read that having and aneurysm is like have a “time bomb” in your head and it can explode at any time. Or it’s even like holding a gun to your head with one bullet (like Russian Roulette). I don’t like those scary descriptions but I guess they’re accurate.  I am, however, quite amused that people have nicknamed their aneurysms. Yes, they call them “Annie”. I don’t feel my aneurysm and I are that close…even if it is inside my head. I name my children, animals, stuffed toys, not my aneurysm. It seems like once you name something, you should probably keep it. And I want this thing out! Now!!!

I never thought that I would say this in my lifetime, but I am totally ready for brain surgery. I am ready to have my life back. I want to feel normal again. I dislike being stressed out, not being able to play with my kids and all the while wondering, ‘Could this thing rupture?’ Over the last three and a half weeks, I have often wondered, ‘What if I wouldn’t have been having the headaches? What if we didn’t know this aneurysm was there?’ But even with all the what ifs, I can’t help but to be thankful that we know it’s there. And I'm thankful something can be done about it. I distinctly remember two weeks before being diagnosed, asking God to help me totally rely on Him. Boy did He ever!  I don’t know how we would ever be able to get through this without Him. I am praising God in all this, knowing that His will is being done. 

I can’t help but think of an old hymn by Johnson Oatman, Jr.

When upon life’s billows you are tempest-tossed,
When you are discouraged, thinking all is lost,
Count your many blessings, name them one by one,
And it will surprise you what the Lord hath done.

Count your blessings, name them one by one,
Count your blessings, see what God hath done!
Count your blessings, name them one by one,
Count your many blessings, see what God hath done.

Are you ever burdened with a load of care?
Does the cross seem heavy you are called to bear?
Count your many blessings, every doubt will fly,
And you will keep singing as the days go by.

When you look at others with their lands and gold,
Think that Christ has promised you His wealth untold;
Count your many blessings—wealth can never buy
Your reward in heaven, nor your home on high.

So, amid the conflict whether great or small,
Do not be discouraged, God is over all;
Count your many blessings, angels will attend,
Help and comfort give you to your journey’s end.

I count it a blessing that I am having migraines.

I count it a blessing that I know that I have a brain aneurysm.

I count it a blessing it hasn’t ruptured yet.

I count it a blessing that I have doctors taking care of me.

I count it a blessing that I have an awesome husband who loves me and always looks out for my best interests.

I count it a blessing for family and friends who have been praying and helping out when we need it.

I count it a blessing that the aneurysm can be surgically eliminated.

I count it a blessing to have awesome insurance.

I count it a blessing that I am a child of God and I know He is in control of my life…always.

There are so many more. I could type forever. But I am going to play with my boys now.