Reality sets in

As I sit here at the computer looking at pictures of myself that Matthew took 21 days ago, I begin to cry. I can hardly believe that I had brain surgery. It has been a while since I updated the blog but I want to share how truly blessed I am.

As I went in for surgery on Friday morning, November 5, I felt my emotions taking over. I cried as Matthew drove to the hospital, in shock that I was going to do this! I had kissed the kids and snuggled them each before I left the house at 5:15 am. And hugged my sister-in-law, Dana, and told her how much I loved her and appreciated her taking care of the kids. Once we got on the road, I started getting nervous and thinking about all the negative things. But I also thought it was also pretty awesome that family and friends got up before the break of dawn to meet me at the hospital.

The hospital pager went off, I walked through the double doors, and then I froze. I saw Dr. Zomorodi’s P.A. standing at the nurse’s station. He asked if I brought my images (arteriogram and MRI/MRA). Uh, yes, but they were in the waiting room with my husband. Once I came back with the films, I went to pre-op 1 with one of the many nurses that hung out with me before surgery. She started my IV and then Dr. Zomorodi came in before to talk with me about the surgery and he explained that he was going to mark the left side of my forehead and my left carotid artery in my neck with his initials. If they were to have trouble getting to the aneurysm through the skull, they would go through the neck. I had “AZ” in two places, one of which was getting smeared from the tears running down my cheek and onto my neck. He left and the nurse allowed my family to come back two at a time while I waited to be taken to the OR. I was crying my head off and was so scared but I knew the Lord was watching over me.

At that moment, the nurse said it was time to go, I kissed Matthew and he prayed with me. And that’s all I remember. I remember waking up in recovery and then going right back to sleep. I remember waking up in ICU hearing someone in the next unit screaming. One of the nurses closed my door so I could rest in peace and quiet.  I guess Dr. Zomorodi came in sometime that night around midnight to check on me and I almost vomited all over him. (I didn’t remember that part.)

The next thing I know, it’s Saturday and it’s time for Matthew to come visit me in ICU. I was so happy to see him. I remember before he got there that I had told the nurse I needed to use the bathroom…I mean the bedpan. I sat on that bad boy for 1 whole hour. Finally, I was so tired of sitting on it I asked if I could get out of the bed and use the bedside toilet. And what a relief! I felt like I peed for 10 minutes straight. (I know. That’s too much info. Sorry!) Matthew’s sister Jennifer and her husband Brandon came to see me. Dr. Zomorodi came to remove my bandages! I definitely looked better with the bandages on. Ick! My hair was a mess. My face was swollen. I looked…there aren’t any words to describe how I looked. I was just glad that I was alive! Then, they moved me to room 5231 to a very uncomfortable bed and again right across the hall from another very loud patient who yelled, “Nurse! Nuuuurrrrsssse…” all night long. I was eagerly looking forward to sleeping in my own bed soon!

Dr. Fukushima came to see me too but I don’t remember which day it was. He spoke with his heavy Japanese accent so we couldn’t understand much. But he was apparently pleased with my status. He left the room, and then came back a few seconds later to tell us “one more thing.” Left again, and then returned again to tell us “one more thing” again. This time he was gone for good. He must have vanished into thin air. The nurse went looking for him to ask if Matthew could take a picture of me with the doc. But she came back and said he walks so fast it’s like he disappears.

I was so thankful that I was able to eat and drink, stand up and walk down the hall. But I was definitely in pain. I had quite a headache. I had several other visitors…family, friends and church family that came to visit. Thankfully I didn’t scare anyone with my Frankenstein-like look. I am proud of my scar though! I am not ashamed. Look what I have been through! Look what God has brought me through!

Walking was quite a struggle for the first two weeks. My back still aches at times. I still struggle with my memory today. Certain things I can’t say. Words just won’t come out right. I can see a word and know it but it doesn’t come out correctly. Reading to the kids is still a challenge but it’s getting easier. I forget things too. I am still emotional but that is mainly from the meds I am taking. I am slowly being weaned off of them though. My handwriting is pretty sloppy. It was never perfect but my 4 year old’s handwriting looks better than mine does right now. My hair is growing back. Zach told me tonight that my scar looks ugly but he still thinks Mommy is pretty. I still can’t hold the kids. I haven’t attempted to drive yet. I still don’t feel 100% comfortable with that. It will come though.

I am so thankful for my God who has brought me through what some people may think is no big deal but I consider it nothing short of a miracle. He blessed me with a team of doctors that knew exactly how to care for me.  God also blessed me with an awesome family and friends who have been praying for me and that have not held it against me when I fall asleep when they come to visit. And most importantly, a husband that I will never take for granted. Matthew has stood right by my side for the last three weeks and cared for me with such compassion and unconditional love. He also took pictures so I could scrapbook this life-changing event. I love him more than words can express and I hope he never gets tired of hearing me tell him I love him because I will never stop saying it!

I know this blog posting was all over the place but that’s about how my brain activity is right now…scattered. But I wanted to share what a blessing this journey has been. Thank you all for your prayers and your encouraging words, cards, flowers, and gifts. I am blessed to have you all in my life!